Running

Why is it that we often find ourselves running away from all the good things in life? This is something I have always done and I have never been able to truly figure out why. Recently, I have really been thinking about this a lot because I am the biggest runner. Anything that could remotely be good to me or for me I run from. It’s my fight or flight response and I definitely choose flight a majority of the time. I run. I’m a runner. And I think I will always be a runner. But I have to figure it out. Whether it be from friendships, new jobs, lifelong opportunities, or relationships… if it’s “too good to be true” I’ll go ahead and leave it before it can disappoint me. I run from the good guy who is “too nice” back to the guy who hurts me the most. I run from the new friendships back to the old toxic ones. I run from the new job opportunities because i’m comfortable where I am and would rather not start over. And yet, even after I go back to what is comfortable… I regret it every time. I think a lot of it goes back to my anxiety. I’m terrified of not being in control. The unknown. When something is so good it often seems to be the complete opposite realistically. But to be honest, that’s not even fair for me to say. Disappointments are part of life and it’s not something that will ever go away. I think I have missed out on a lot of great opportunities and relationships because of this fear. It’s a defense mechanism. I’ve been disappointed so many times that now I try to save myself from that ache and run away before it can run me over. But why??? Why do I live in such fear of the future? I am always talking about living life to the fullest because it is so short, yet here I am fleeing from anything that could potentially be really good for me. So, I have decided that I am going to try my best from now on to run full force towards that thing instead of full force away from it. Who knows, maybe this is going to be the best decision I have ever made for myself. However, I am trusting in the process and God’s plan but also hoping that He will give me the strength to remain at peace even when things do not go my way. Running backwards can no longer be an option. So, let’s get running. But instead of away, let’s run forward.

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